The World, Love and Why

Entirety of a burning turf!
My home, your home
spins towards abyss
The facade of laughter breaks
Then infection mixes in the bloodstream
You feel it in your gut
I have been thinking about you

When you leave my hand and walk away
At an unvisited ocean shore
An invisible dream dies
My mind goes somewhere I've never been before
Uncomfortable, unhinged
but it doesn't stop

You skip steps as you run further ahead
I stand still holding breath
I see so much, my vision plays tricks
I see waves of light, unseen and unheard of
I see with my body; it's confusing
Surreal, you are someone I imagined myself

You keep walking away and
I watch as my lucky pen melts in my palm
I won't call your name this time
Put a leash in over my neck
It's not easy
My hands wither and I wonder why
If you were next to me, I'd smile

Love is my religion.

I'm free from the generationally developed biases and anchors about philosophies of life created by human societies and tribes; thereof lack of understanding about human psychology and physiology and its relation to our thoughts, ideas, philosophy, and ideologies. Any recorded understanding of consciousness could easily be as little as an iota of the compelete understanding of the physics of universe and what and how everything is happening. I am just trying to least hurt my natural human instincts while figuring out life and how to live in a world where it seems like I must suffer a bit to get what I truly need while necessarily controlling some natural human desires for a sustainable wellbeing.

I mean well for the humanity. I believe in love and compassion for all humans, and living beings that feel. I wish for everyone's hearts to be filled with love and peace. My religion is love. 

What happens when you lie?

 

Pushed further ahead,
Stranded in the last curve of a mysterious life
I can feel the itchiness of confusion in my throat
as if the world burns around me
It’s nothing like before, time is playing tricks
my intestines shrink with your disbelief in me
as I voraciously bite down
an imperialist, usurped possibility of love
in between my clenched jaw
I hold it tightly in my fist
But sand slips
tiring me of life, desire, and anything nice
ricocheting between love and loss
I find my headless head
looking for you

Afaf Janjua

The Dance of Life

you've got a condition

your soul is entwined

in space and time

in her psychotic mind

like the red color of the couch

lush red blood every month

painful, loving

a fallen dream, fallen luck

of a daughter of the unknown

can I rely on you?

my red dress is almost out of trend, I tell you

just let me live my wretched fate in peace

I don't care how long it takes, 

as long as I got you

never letting go

dancing alongside

the madness of love

save your tears 

when you know the answer to your whys

meet me 

on the other side of a mysterious life 

where you are the great ruler in your empire

and I am worn out in the battles of love

will you still hold out your hand? 

The thing about life

 The thing about life

is pretty strange. Every person's world perspective must be so different from one another. or maybe not; maybe we are all just one soul, many bodies. One big soul hocruxed into an infinite number of material bodies. By the way, this scenario would make you and me both: the god.

I am starting this journal on my first day of not using a cell phone in 2023 as a 28-year-old. This phase will last for not very long. I will give it up, just like I gave up many other things.  

 Time for bed!

Good night life.

Gratitude

An infinite abundance of gratitude -
An idea that shook my soul
Peeled a layer of cosmos
And I saw light I didn't know existed

Now not knowing is enough
I am grateful beyond the barriers of linguistic constraint
Surrendered control peeks in awe
my newfound comradeship with oblivion

My companions in life although far apart
My heart goes out to them
In hope they find peace in finitude of existence
I send my love to everyone

And it seems this bulky core may just explode tonight
I feel a bit too much sometimes
Honesty, loyalty, love, and respect
Reservoirs of a fulfilling life 

Fa

A prayer for all Living Beings

I wrote this short and simple prayer. A reminder for everyone. A harmless desire. A prayer - for all of my fellow living beings. I hope you enjoy reading this and I hope this becomes your reality. 

I hope you find satisfaction in life. I hope you find joy in your experience. I hope that every moment in your life makes you feel at the top of the world. I hope your experience of life exceeds the expectations of a good life.

Fa  

The Devil Child (R)

 I can still love the idea of you,

All effort withers

No more shall your love survive!

In the backyard, the burnt ashes emerge in smoke
Cough!
Cough out the illusion
the shimmery sugary fantasy
Evil off evil

Now it smells oddly angry
Reckless bees from the hives shot down
An ugly unnecessary menace; similar to the
dilemma of why it all began
Why me?
Or perhaps a feeling they haven't named yet?
Fallacy off fallacy

Or maybe this shy fat one in the corner?
I carry it around like my armour of pride
Slight, unbud dissatisfaction
Shame is our adopted child, it
Quietly watches my sharp tongue's smirk;
Wretchedness off wretchedness

This must be just a reckless thought,
Expansive albeit untouchable,
Your freedom resembles the universe
Everything crumbles
One problem after another
A trail of animal faeces; raw and abhorrent
My sense of direction fucked me over
Lost again in trance, in dark, in love

Afaf J. 

Life 28

Literally the reason I don't pop this drug in my mouth right now is because I am carrying the umbrella with one hand

In a pouring pain; fear and confusion

While my other hand

Sits comfortably with the magic sac in the pocket of my rain jacket

Intentionally oblivious to the chants of dread, morality, decision, perseverance, death, and death again: life

What a mystery; isn't it?

You noticed it; didn't you?

My accent, of course.

The color of my skin was almost sunken in

And then you spoke

I amuse myself with this gift too

In the darkest night

And the deepest melancholy

I amuse myself

of myself

Within myself

Me

I think about her all the time.

I see her stumbling; I see and I stay quiet

I laugh but I make sure I don't hear myself

Trust me at this point

I don't even know what 'me' even is

Or 'life': but that's a big one

No one really knows

I do know love

It wins every time

It won my family

It won all the unfortunate men in my life

They had the pleasure of crossing paths with me

They were the unluckiest

(Then there's 'luck': this conversation can go on for hours)

But also

the nicest, the sweetest, the smartest,

Ah - just lovely!

I have been lucky enough to never witness ugliness in people

They say it's out there

I doubt it, but that's just me

A child doesn't know right from wrong

Or wrong from right

Or left or right

Or black or white

Well, the last one: it might

'It' is the baby

'It' is them

'It' is you

'It' is us

'It' is pure; authetic; sweet; innocent; innocent; innocent

Just like me

And just like you

Ugly? Not a chance.

Fa

Sweet-mare

 Words fall short in abundance

And in absence, they scream

An escape in self-defense

To stand up and fight an unholy innocence
Warriors of shame; retreat

Red, meaty and extrovertedly amped
A freshly debilitated hearty rapture
Unsure of a homeland; found its way
On an island of fearless vamps
Where the victims dance in bittersweet torture

Tears run dry, everytime
And I leave the chatroom tamed
A frenzy of an existential philosophy
A scripture that holds the power of divine
Textual godliness is in question and I wish I was given a different name

Be careful when you speak and you mustn't ask why
A blasphemous bait will take you to the graves
of the unspeakably wretched wives
Then where would you find that island of joy
When you're seiged to the red room of harrowing caves

Remorse takes over all love, to your surprise
For the remaining pieces of your worn out heart
They burn to tar
A rightful funeral rightfully deprives
They shame us and tear us apart

Your fate will laugh at your determined choice
A mockery at your unjust demise
Hedon stricken; hellbound bastard child
Your descend is a preset device
They hold the reigns of your rainbow puppet's vice

Fa

Rhyme scheme: ABCAB - 1,4 - 2,5

Stanza length: 5 lines

Total stanza: 6