Burning happiness

She saw mirth, ceased with fire
Raving to death, searing deep within
The ashes of which, were perfumed with rage
While eyes witnessed the terror

Do you know what it feels like to see?
Every last ort of joy, burn.
Till it finally dies

- Fa

How does it feel?

How does it feel? 

Knowing that someone knew each and every tiny little thing about you

 knowing that they knew you loved them

 and knowing that they still let you fall off to the pit, you may never recover from.

How does it feel? 

- Fa

"Let it in"

The bracelet fell off his hands as he screamed her name in impuissance.

"Let it in"

He had said as he tried to present over the bright diamond bracelet. It imbedded twelve finely cut cubical pieces of diamonds every quadruple of which were relatively large hazel colored rubies. It was certainly the most beautiful jewelry she had ever seen in her life. He ascended to edge of the bridge where he had found her gazing the deep questioning water.

"How strange of myself, to have longed for pearls and pradas all my life - when all I truly wanted was just peace"

She grinned as she jumped into the water and put an end to everything - Her misery. Her guilt. Her fears. And, him.

- Fa

Sakeena

Overview

"Sakeena" is a fictitious series about the main character "Sakeena's" metamorphic encounter on her 17th birthday. Links of next episodes will be uploaded soon. 

Episode one

She glanced at her bruised hands and pitied her fate. “That’s it” she thought to herself “I am the murderer of my own peace”.

“17^th birthday should be fun. They write songs about this age!”

She was overly excited about her birthday even though, all her birthdays were pretty stereotyped. Her father would bring the cake on the birthday evening and her siblings and mother would present inexpensive gifts. They’d laugh together, clap and her brothers would tease her with sarcastic limericks written especially for her. She wanted something different this time. Something out of the ordinary and something enticing.

Little did she know she’d receive a little too much of enticement this year.

The images of the middle aged bald man came to her mind, grinning at her in lust. She started to shiver by the horrible memory. She was terrified and alone. Not in her whole life had she wanted for her father to be by her side but that time called for none, but him. She remembered how in the beginning, she kept blaming her friends for the whole idea of skipping College. But after sometime, she wasn't thinking of anyone or anything. She couldn't. She couldn't think about blame, regret or even conscience. All she wanted then was to run. Run way far away from where she was.

Someone was calling her name constantly, but she had gone deep in the terrifying trance. She snapped away the memory from her head. Wiping off the tears that were shed unknowingly, again.

“Yes, ammi” and she went to her mother’s room.



Sakeena - Episode two:  http://fajanjua.blogspot.com/2014/08/sakeena.html
Sakeena - Episode three:  http://fajanjua.blogspot.com/2014/09/sakeena-episode-three.html

Burnt memories

I love how warmly you covered up my wrongs. I love how you 

smiled at me. I love how you got angry at your little brother. I love how much

you loved yourself, your taste, your attire.

I loved it when you gave me the ring you wore for years. 

I love how its had the scent of you. I love how

 you never gave up on me. Even when everyone else did.
I love the way you understood me. 

Though there's no more of you now. Neither is anymore of myself.

 But the hollowness in my heart, and the tears that I shed. 

Nothing but the reminiscence of the burnt memories ahead. 

- Fa

Escape

Then there are days like these when I wonder to myself

about the silenced wringers I feared from

I want to let go

but the untold mystery tear up itself

and the answers echo in my head

I bear the deafening screams all to myself

and try to find an escape

but it feels like I'm strung

And the agony of just knowing the fact

that this is what's its going to be like

every moment and every flash of my crippled life

brings along another jolt

how can I escape my own thoughts?

- Fa

Call me a trinket

She was alive, yes. But only in pieces, shattered and displaced. She wasn't anymore just a person.She wasn't one. Like many torn up littler pieces of cotton. They are never one. And, like a dirty scrap of clay, that has been played with a lot. 

All that was left was nothing - but a slave fettered in dismay.

- Fa

. 

Hopeless bullshit

"It's amazing how people can be so happy", she thought to herself.

Stuck in the middle of barrenness and complete intimacy. Silence, that was threatening and shadows that mocked her individuality at every step.

This wasn't 'life' that she was living. It was barely an existence where despair ruled and hopelessness was the precedent. The tunnel had no light at the end and the stars weren't bright enough to be beautiful. Or maybe they were? It had been ages since she last saw the sky. Everything was dark. Everything, fucking hopeless bullshit.

Little did she know, she was getting worse and no one even realized. It wasn't recovery. It wasn't a rehab rather just another curtain over the darkest sights of reality shed over a million other curtains that were concealing the devastation dwelt down to her soul.

It wasn't normal.

Waking up with scars on your body and bruises on hands without any memory of how they got there, isn't normal. Laughing more than  usual, and laughing uncontrollably over a foolish season and crying like a baby in the bed the very night, shivering in fear of God knows what, isn't normal. Humming in isolation, just so you could escape the daunting memories, isn't normal. The fear of stairs isn't normal.

The inside of her knew, but she avoided even the thought of this.

"To be honest, I can't believe I'm still alive." Another random muse before broke into tears again.