Blood. Paper. Pen.

Dearly beloved,

I hope you are as beautiful 

as I left you that sunset. I hope your eyes still shine 

like I remember them.And, I hope you're smiling too.
 Listen, I know it doesn't make any sense that I'm writing to you. 
And the doctor says that writing to you will only worsen my ache.

 But what does he know about pain? 

Even thou, its only me who's ever going to read it 

and never you but I just need to tell you that I love you. 

And, I know with all my heart and all the scraps left of it 

that you can never be mine. I know that we were never meant to be. 

And, I know the paradox of today says that I'm too good for you. 

And, I know how tragically varnished it is. 

I know telling you all this is like a void calling in the phantom of nothingness. 

I also realize how miserable and lonely and sick I am. 

But you know, I love you now. And, will love you tomorrow. 

Just as I loved you yesterday. And all the days before that 

and all the days that have yet to come. I will love you. 

I'm out of blood now so take care you. 

Will write you again, soon.

Eternally and witheringly yours,
Fa

Blood. Paper. Pen. (2)
http://fajanjua.blogspot.com/2015/01/blood-paper-pen-2.html

Blood. Paper. Pen. (3)
http://fajanjua.blogspot.com/2015/04/blood-paper-pen-3.html

Blood. Paper. Pen. (4)
http://fajanjua.blogspot.com/2015/08/blood-paper-pen-4.html

All of me

You lied to me in my face. But it's not the point, it was you. 

I agreed to your lies and let 

you have all of me. 

This is what made it miserable then, bloody now. 

- Fa

The jaded tyranny

I would talk to the water. I spent my nights staring at the home aquarium. 

Sometimes when it was possible, I would skip school and go to the lake nearby.

 I would sit there for hours. Just staring at the water.
I felt what it would be like to be in there.

 Unable to breathe or move and just waiting for death

 to overcome my existence. Just as it overcame my life.

 I would feel water over me, around me. I would feel what it would feel to be dead. 

I would feel to be helpless and have the mother nature rightfully accept it.

 Ricocheting the jaded tyranny. I would finally feel the equilibrium.
For once. Perhaps, just for once.

- Fa

It hurts!

There's just so much pain. 

And I know I deserve. 

Devastated, bloody and sobbing,

she could feel her nerves burn

and only plead to herself.

"But, it hurts!"

-Fa

"I'm fine"

Soaked pillow

bloody napkins

scarred wrists

and, her scattered mascara.

"I'm fine"

is all she would say today. 

- Fa

Roses will be burnt

"I have the exact idea of what I'd want if I were omnipotent"

She went after a long period.

"I would turn the world into a slaughter house. I'd nail men form their toes to the floor and drink blood. I'd turn the whole fucking system. Waterfall will be turned to gory blood streams. Buildings will be raised from the heads of innocent. Brute will become the law and rage, the only sentiment left. Days will be closed and war shall be celebrated at night. Hatred will rule. And, roses will be burnt"

- Fa