Nostalgia.

Thing is: 

my toxic memories are too strong for me to think about past 

as it has/had something romantic in it or maybe

 it is something to be stayed in memories as something worthwhile. 

I mean, I haven't suffered huge loss in my life, when one really hears about it.

 But feelings can do so much damage to your soul.

 And I have been a weak victim to them. 

Maybe I am a pessimist. So, I don't like to think about my past. 

Nostalgia is too bright of a word for me. 

I have never felt nostalgic in a long time about anything.

 -Fa