Love and life.

and love can be shattering,

it can be destructive. 

Just like life.

-Fa

Immensely. Painstakingly. Madly.

I want to fall in love. 

Immensely. Painstakingly. Madly.

I want to feel what it feels like

to have nothing in the world, or the universe, 

or within myself, matter the least when he comes into question.

I want to feel like that stupid girl texting all the time.

I want to be the girl with swollen, red and sparkling eyes

because she was on the phone all night. 

I want to pour my heart and lungs and life

and happiness and joy and laughter and sorrows

 and cried and insecurities

 out to someone

and not feel even a little bit uncomfortable.

I want all of that. 

-Fa

Alone

I am more alone than anyone I've met. 

Don't mix my laughter with real joy. 

The love in me is infinite, yes. 

The love for me however is 

almost non-existent.

-Fa

A pray to God

"A pray to God"

Write once again, because you can. 

Write him for me. 

Make me his. And make him mine. 

Make him mine. 

Make him mine. 

-Fa

Whole.

Here is the thing.

I don't care, about life.

I have had enough heartbreak

for such a short lifetime. Don't try to protect me. 

All I want is friendship now.

All I want is love. All I care about now is just that. 

I am not broken. I am made up of scars and losses; huge losses,

depression, exoticism and romance.

I am whole.

Trust me in that. 

-Fa

So painful and so secure

I am not who I used to be. 

And it feels

so painful

and 

so secure

to know that. 

-Fa

November

Flowers are fragrant just like

there always are. 

Trees aren't greener. 

The sky isn't bluer,

and there is nothing special about November. 

Do not get over excited. There is nothing 

in the weather. 

-Fa 

Vacant expressions

Your vacant expressions have got me going crazy. 

And I still don't wish you said more.

-Fa

It's wrong.

I love you so much, it's wrong. 

-Fa