Strange as it may seem, I feel like I am moving around in zero gravity, unaware of where this fate, lunacy or whatever the crappy science fiction kodac film or black and white hypnotic loop it is that I am stuck into. All I know right now is that if put in terms of life, I am crawling like a miserable cripple with a blurry vision, running nose and bad stomach ache.
Is this really happening to me? I thought I'd be loved - an idea so alien to my existence now. I feel like laughing all of a sudden.
It is strange.
I call myself a solipsistic and yet I am depressed. Why would god intend to induce such belief system in me whilst offering circumstances that make me so desperate for love and happiness? Great, call me a blasphemous now. I had never been so full of titles. Its like a whole new honour. I have a brain that speaks of justice, love and values. And that's exactly why and what's bothering your sexist brain so much. I am not a sheep, or a hypocrite. On top of that I am bold, and that's the biggest of all sins I sin.
The moment you understand how personal faith and how great god is, is precisely the moment you will actually start to understand your existence and its meaning. But for most people, I doubt that's even possible for they are too involved in customs and traditional taboos based on sexism, judgement and materialism. Its a disorder, certainly, but we can't really do anything about it.
Stop using phrases like, "I believe" "I think", or "according to me" etc, because what according to you is, is. There's simply nothing else. Do you really believe that you could find true love once you bow down to the world and its taboos? Do you really think that if they tell you they love you after that, truly means that they love you? You aren't even yourself then. So what's this tear about? What's this melancholy?
Words.
Tears are real. So is love. Happiness however, I am not sure of. Something that I am so dependent upon, doesn't even exist. And that's the dilemma I have lost myself into. That's the bitterness of life. That's the sadness. The melancholy. The hopelessness. i really thought id be loved one day. I really thought id end up happy.
As I said, strange. Very strange.
Is this really happening to me? I thought I'd be loved - an idea so alien to my existence now. I feel like laughing all of a sudden.
It is strange.
I call myself a solipsistic and yet I am depressed. Why would god intend to induce such belief system in me whilst offering circumstances that make me so desperate for love and happiness? Great, call me a blasphemous now. I had never been so full of titles. Its like a whole new honour. I have a brain that speaks of justice, love and values. And that's exactly why and what's bothering your sexist brain so much. I am not a sheep, or a hypocrite. On top of that I am bold, and that's the biggest of all sins I sin.
The moment you understand how personal faith and how great god is, is precisely the moment you will actually start to understand your existence and its meaning. But for most people, I doubt that's even possible for they are too involved in customs and traditional taboos based on sexism, judgement and materialism. Its a disorder, certainly, but we can't really do anything about it.
Stop using phrases like, "I believe" "I think", or "according to me" etc, because what according to you is, is. There's simply nothing else. Do you really believe that you could find true love once you bow down to the world and its taboos? Do you really think that if they tell you they love you after that, truly means that they love you? You aren't even yourself then. So what's this tear about? What's this melancholy?
Words.
Tears are real. So is love. Happiness however, I am not sure of. Something that I am so dependent upon, doesn't even exist. And that's the dilemma I have lost myself into. That's the bitterness of life. That's the sadness. The melancholy. The hopelessness. i really thought id be loved one day. I really thought id end up happy.
As I said, strange. Very strange.
