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Wednesday 19 August 2015

Thirst.


She had a thirst in her eyes. 
A lust for success, 
like the aim of a lion and the focus of a 
marksman. 
She was bold and authoritative. 
A talker, imaginative, 
and outspoken of her 
feelings, 
well she was, 
most of the time: except when they talked about him. 
Her friends used to tease her, like all the friends do in the world.
Only if they knew what tornado rises inside of her on the name of his.
Like an avalanche successive of devastation, 
a meteor racing towards the earth:
an unequivocal apocalypse. 
Or like dark magic ruining the ruins,
a spirited ritual longing for peace;
only if they knew. 
For these were empty girls unable to understand 
the severity of her emotion. 

-Fa


Nostalgia.

Thing is: 
my toxic memories are too strong for me to think about past 
as it has/had something romantic in it or maybe
 it is something to be stayed in memories as something worthwhile. 
I mean, I haven't suffered huge loss in my life, when one really hears about it.
 But feelings can do so much damage to your soul.
 And I have been a weak victim to them. 
Maybe I am a pessimist. So, I don't like to think about my past. 
Nostalgia is too bright of a word for me. 
I have never felt nostalgic in a long time about anything.

 -Fa

Secret hopes.

I believe its the secret hopes that keep us alive after all. 
Its like you're drowning - set on fire - falling from the cliff.
How can you breathe,
when all that surrounds is the fright of impending water?
How can you live,
when all that endures is the ache smoldering from the inside out?
How can you be at peace,
when the momentum of earth is fiercely dragging you to its end?
Because you live.
Feel. 
Be at peace. 
Just like that. 
All at once.
With all the crazy things happening. 
How does that happen? 
Secret hopes.
-Fa

Blood. Paper. Pen. (4)




Dearly beloved, 

You see, you might have moved on but I am still there. 
I am still standing under the naked sky. I am still a little nervous to see you. 
I can still hear my heart beating. I am still craving for your luscious voice.
 I am still admiring your ways and eyes and moves
 and hair and clothes and body and voice and you. 
 I am still 13 years old. I am still stupid and emotional 
and crazy and adventurous. But you have moved on as life told us where to move to.
 I haven't. You have obeyed and I have suffered. 
And now I am out of spaces to cut above my ankle. 
And the blood seems to be betraying me. I need you to see. I wish you saw.
I wish you were here. I wish I could touch you and you wanted to touch me.
 But it's my life so who am I kidding? 
My shrink told me not to mention my bloody habit to you anymore.
 He's so stupid because he still can't see what I had seen
 so long before: I don't obey. Not life and certainly not anyone else. 
Anyways. I hope you have nieces and nephews by now. 
Beauty runs in your family. So, take care you. 

Eternally and withering yours,