The Enticing Dilemma

Suddenly, everything seemed to have a different side; the 'other side' maybe. Everything was somehow clear, like it was never before. She thought she had it all sorted out, now she wasn't sure about that. Now she gave another shot to everything. Beauty seemed to have a different definition now. She started thinking things she thought she could never imagine all her life. She was wild now. She was laughing. She was sure she was changing but uncertain if it was the right direction. She knew nature was up to something. She understood the signs. Just the suspense of that something was so exciting that she relished every bit of it.

It was like an enticing dilemma.

The beautiful woman

Women’s beauty

Love, money and beauty; these are the three most magnetizing and charismatic features that everyone allures about women. Love, because there is no life, no energy and no vigor without it; money, because we, naïve little beings are full of greed; and beauty… beauty, because there is a magic, some sought of certain wild urge that lives  inside us, in every one of us, that attracts us towards the beautiful.

A woman’s sophistication and decency lies in her beauty. The scent of her fragrance; her lovely odor, her smooth milky skin and her pink rosy lips is what men could kill for. And to maintain that charm about her is what a woman has to do. An argument might be called here that what about the ‘not so attractive ones’, what about those women who weren't born with the ultimate classy features. It’s not their sin that they aren't beautiful, is it? Well, to answer this silly tiff, who says everyone isn't beautiful? Who says ‘some women’ aren't as pretty as others? Talking plain sail, everyone is beautiful. Every woman possesses her charm; every woman could be a lady.

It’s merely about maintaining the gift of beauty. It’s about taking care of herself; it’s about staying beautiful, forever. 

The bewitching world

You. Yes, you...

You think I'll respect you after you bring my self-confidence to bricks? After you try burning my individuality and dab, precisely to blow off my self esteem? Well, this ruthless, sickening cold attitude is what you get now. Blood is all you get. And now I'll be good to others in front of you. I'll try and kill your self esteem instead. I'll burn the power you show-off to me, so intrepidly.

You tottering narcissistic soul.  

You have no appreciation to the one who cared most about you; when you showed no awe, when you tried to kill her independence and her distinction, you probably knew it yourself, you devilish monster. You'll be a loser in the end. Nothing but a loser. 

A sad, lonely loser. 

I honestly don't give a damn.

Was checking out this meme the other day about a guy at a job interview telling his honesty as his greatest weakness when one of the interviewers proposes she doesn't think honesty is a weakness. 'I don't give a fuck about what you think' he said. 

He was right after all, wasn't he? Honesty is a strangely a negative trait sometimes. How? I'll tell you how.

Hypocrites are the worse people who live on this planet. They are fake. They are insincere. They are NOT what they say or what they act or what they want others to think they are. They even deceive their own selves sometimes. They are miserable. In the eyes of God, they are, yes. But are they really the lunatics according to the surrounding people? Maybe not. In fact they are the good ones. The sweet ones. The right ones. Who could possibly know what devilish thoughts are circling their minds? And yet, they are considered good. Funny, isn't it?

On the other hand, the real people: the non hypocrites are simple and pure. They might be wrong, they might be false, they might be sinful. But they are definitely not fake. (The non hypocrites are mostly less wrong) Because they are afraid of no one. They don't care about what 'people might say'. They don't hide stuff. They don't pose to be perfect. They just are their self. And I couldn't thank my Lord any less, I am not a hypocrite. I may not be right about everything. I may not be a perfect human. I accept that. Accept. I accept my flaws. And sure as hell I try to fix them. I just don't try and fix them for them, for those people. I do it for me. I do it for my Lord. I do it for the whole concept of sincerity. I try and be sincere with myself first. I try and impress myself first.

However this gesture, this certain way of living a life is considered inappropriate for some of our fellow beings. They say 'bad acha, badnaam bura' meaning 'bad act is better than bad reputation'. And TBH I am completely against this phrase. How can bad possibly be good? I mean, reputation is something made by people - the imperfect spectators. While bad is something genuinely bad. Bad is accepted bad by not merely people but GOD. And they say it is better to do bad than to have a bad reputation? Bad is never better than anything. Reputation is something what people just make up. The society makes it up. 

The narrow minded, conservative and brutal society. 

The phrase defends hypocrisy. The phrase sets people's thinking a benchmark to live a life; but not Allah's rules. Which I consider lame. Which I consider fake. Which I consider a sin.

And to such fellow beings' thinking, I honestly don't give a damn. 

I Just don't get them.

I don’t mean to brag. Neither do I want to be the maniac who is obsessed with his very own self, picturing everything imperfect without me. I just know; I just have the proper understanding of how things are in this crazy world. And I am pretty confident about the way I feel. I know I am right; I just do. I know how they are going to react about certain or uncertain happenings. I know even before they actually show some gesture. I know what they’re feeling inside. I may not know exactly what’s in their mind, but the reactions, the inside thoughts, the little commentary they are posturing inside their big and small heads – I can judge pretty perfectly.

Noted I am not a psychologist. I haven’t gone through the regular courses of studying psychology, yes. Still, I am at a stage in my life (I am not sure if everyone goes through this phase) where I feel confident enough to conclude. But this thing I don’t quite understand and it's starting to annoy me now. It is how nonintellectual people can really be. Even the oldies having experience about almost everything a normal being passes through their life, even the youngsters being in the most energetic and brainy stage of their life. How naïve their instincts are; how silly and innocent they actually are. Underneath the rough and tough coatings above themselves; so weak, so shallow, so immature. It surprises me how they are even living a life. They aren't even living. They are the persecutors of their own lives. What is life anyway without they true essence of ‘living’ it? They are cruel. Cruel to life. Cruel to their selves. Pity. Pity how life tries and tries, giving us a full chance of understanding it but they waste it. They waste all of it. They simply don’t bother knowing the real reason why they were bestowed with the gift – life. And then they play with it. They scuttle. They don’t live. They don’t understand. They lose it.

It doesn't take money pondering. It doesn't cost thinking. It doesn't take so much of our gold worth time, does it? What if one actually gives some seconds to simply wander in silence? Some of their time spent in just sitting quietly. Thinking. Feeling. Observing. Why am I here? Why me? What for? Whom for? And what should I do now? How to serve this life in a better approach? How to gain something worth having? How to, in fact, WIN.  

My school.

I hated school. I felt like I was being bullied all the time. I felt inferior. I felt bad all the fucking time. I felt like having a shaken confidence. I felt discriminated. Although I actually knew I wasn't really a bonehead, I knew it all the time. I just didn't have enough courage to put it all out. Put out all the great ideas I had in my mind about stuff going on around. Give out the answers the big problems in the class (which I felt were so simple, I wondered why everyone was wasting their time?) but I thought maybe there is some hidden point that is to be pondered about.. It's just me who ain't getting all of it. Sometimes, I wanted to Shout out what I felt inside. I should have, yes. But I was a coward.

Now, I know what it is to be yourself. How great it feels to be yourself. How amazing it is to break out of the naive self. How respectful the self-confidents are. Unquestionably, self confidence is the key to grace. self confidence is power. And I am blessed! 

Life.